The Principles of Nurturing Children According to Islam
These are notes that I have taken from the lecture “Golden Principles for Raising Children” by Ustadh Muhammad Tim Humble
(see full video here)
1 – Be lenient and firm at it’s proper place
Narrated Anas:
I served the Prophet (ﷺ) for ten years, and he never said to me, “Uf” (a minor harsh word denoting impatience) and never blamed me by saying, “Why did you do so or why didn’t you do so?”
- Being lenient when it comes to personal matters
- Being firm and clear of the limits with matters of the religion
- Children will not get things right all the time
- We should not criticise and be hard on them all the time
2 – Educate children with the best of Manners
- Anas remembered how the Prophet treated him
- It is not only the words that we say, but also the words that we don’t say
3 – Make your children love Islam
The Prophet (ﷺ) said,
“Make things easy and do not make them difficult, cheer the people up by conveying glad tidings to them and do not repulse (them).”
- “Make Allah beloved to his servants.”– Abu Umamah
- Do not make the religion burdensome to children
- Encourage learning and memorizing the Qur’an by rewarding them
- Make Eid an enjoyable celebration
4 – Set the example
وَالَّذِينَ يَقُولُونَ رَبَّنَا هَبْ لَنَا مِنْ أَزْوَاجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّاتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعْيُنٍ وَاجْعَلْنَا لِلْمُتَّقِينَ إِمَامً
And those who say, “Our Lord, grant us from among our wives and offspring comfort to our eyes and make us an example for the righteous.”
Qur’an 25:74
- Be the role-model for our children
- If we are lacking, learn together with them
- We can also learn from them
4 – Nurture our children according to their age
The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said:
Command your children to pray when they become seven years old, and beat them for it (prayer) when they become ten years old; and arrange their beds (to sleep) separately.
5 – Be ahead in teaching them what is needed
- As in the hadith above, children who are before the age of puberty will not be sinful for not praying
- However, parents need to start young and train them before it is obligatory upon them
- This can be applied to other obligations of Islam (e.g. wearing the hijab)
6 – Tarbiyyah should be built upon softness and gentleness
The Prophet (ﷺ) said,
“Whenever gentleness is added to something, it adorns it; and whenever it is withdrawn from something, it leaves it defective.”
Be easy going, soft, and approachable
But of course, there is a time for discipline and raising the voice
7- Teach our children manners
يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا لِيَسْتَأْذِنكُمُ الَّذِينَ مَلَكَتْ أَيْمَانُكُمْ وَالَّذِينَ لَمْ يَبْلُغُوا الْحُلُمَ مِنكُمْ ثَلَاثَ مَرَّاتٍ ۚ مِّن قَبْلِ صَلَاةِ الْفَجْرِ وَحِينَ تَضَعُونَ ثِيَابَكُم مِّنَ الظَّهِيرَةِ وَمِن بَعْدِ صَلَاةِ الْعِشَاءِ ۚ ثَلَاثُ عَوْرَاتٍ لَّكُمْ ۚ لَيْسَ عَلَيْكُمْ وَلَا عَلَيْهِمْ جُنَاحٌ بَعْدَهُنَّ ۚ طَوَّافُونَ عَلَيْكُم بَعْضُكُمْ عَلَىٰ بَعْضٍ ۚ كَذَٰلِكَ يُبَيِّنُ اللَّهُ لَكُمُ الْآيَاتِ ۗ وَاللَّهُ عَلِيمٌ حَكِيمٌ
O you who have believed, let those whom your right hands possess and those who have not [yet] reached puberty among you ask permission of you [before entering] at three times: before the dawn prayer and when you put aside your clothing [for rest] at noon and after the night prayer. [These are] three times of privacy for you. There is no blame upon you nor upon them beyond these [periods], for they continually circulate among you – some of you, among others. Thus does Allah make clear to you the verses; and Allah is Knowing and Wise.
Qur’an 24:58
- The verse above talks about teaching our children to ask permission to enter
- This is from the basic manners when interacting with people
- We start implementing manners from home
- Another important quality is to have hayaa’-modesty and shyness
8- To not delay teaching our children at the time of need
‘Umar b. Abu Salama reported:
I was under the care of Allah’s Messenger (way peace be upon him), and as my hand used to roam about in the dish he said to me: “Boy, mention the name of Allah, and eat with your right hand and eat from what is near to you.”
- When we see our children doing something that needs to be intervened, we must not delay it
- We must teach them right there and then
9- Teach everything they need when it relates to the situation
- ‘Umar ibn Abu Salama did one wrong which was to roam his hand around the dish
- But the Prophet took the opportunity to teach the rest of the manners of eating
Go to Ummi’s notes
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